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Sometimes 

You sit in a room 

On a bed

And cry

Not for a reason

But because the emotion 

of inexplicable sadness

Washes over you gently

Coaxing you softly

Into the water

Fully knowing you can't swim

You cry for being lonely

You cry for the people that will miss you

You cry because you don't want to go 

But you can't stay

You can't stay on the shore

Where your rock is eroding

And the waves sting your battered body

And so you go

You go with the sadness

Until it envelopes you 

Because you’d rather feel nothing

Because emptiness is better than pain

Right?

This time 

You don't flail

You don't call for help

You just sink

Into the great blue

Until you can no longer be seen

And you can no longer see

The water takes your tears

And leaves you

to sit

Under the crushing pressure

Drowning

And loving it.

What you can't see

Is above the water

The lifeboats searching

People screaming your name

Searching and searching for the person they lost

The price of you feeling nothing

Hurts the ones who love you most

The sea is crowded full of friends you didn't know had 

And the most selfish thing you can do

Is sit

And stay where you are

Because all that does is hurt

It might feel better

Just for the moment

But soon 

It will be the worst pain you have ever felt

Too lose everything

And everyone

Because you pushed them away

But that is the price of being

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