The eats Cinder, girl

I breathe in 

My fingers glide over my ribs

As I clench my waist

pinching my skin

I am reminded that this is not a dream

My body withering

like the dying rose

As I stare into the mirror

that mirrors every insecurity I have about my body

I breathe in again

my stomach shrinking 

I breathe in

until I can’t hold my breath any longer

gasping for air

convinced there is nothing wrong with me

even though the only care in my mind

 is getting that tiny glass slipper to fit me

I still convince myself that I am okay

that I don’t Have an eating disorder

that I am not suffering

just starving myself

starring into the mirror 

the reflection my mind cannot see

I cannot perceive my

weakness—

Weakness

Insomnia

Fatigue

Loss of Electrolytes

Starvation

Obsession

Failure to recognize

your eating disorder

These are the symptoms that our society cannot see

like the Prince who only sees Cinderella for her shoes

 But Cinderella is suffering

shrinking down

to the mere size of a mouse

because in real life there is no Prince Charming

only Prince Charles

driving Princess Diana to bulimia and self-doubt

but a princess could never

suffer

when she’s found happily ever after

that’s not how eating disorders play out

this idea that eating disorders are simple

when in reality they follow a much more Grimm Storyline 

Still, I don’t have a eating disorder

even though I can only find 

solitude in starvation

losing  my sanity

I convince my mind

I don’t have an eating disorder

how could I ever have an eating disorder

as I stand in the mirror mirror

pinching every part of my body

causing the petals to fall off the rose

and all that is left on my body are the thorns

that scratch every curve

and blur every bone

I cannot see the change in my body 

As I sell my soul to be skinny

Making a deal

with the fat sea witch

fat sea witch

fat

see how girls are programmed from a young age to see

fat as a nightmare

and the little

mermaid as a fairytale

But I am not dreaming

I am no sleeping beauty

only a skinny insomniac

losing sleep over

the fact that I’m starving 

still

convinced

I don’t have an eating disorder

Unable to keep up with this skinny demeanor

breathing in until 

I’ve lost my breath

huffing and puffing into the mirror

How can I have an eating disorder

Now, the glass slipper fails to fit

because it is far too big

 I have an eating disorder

And There is no happily ever after

only

How did this happen to me