Elementary School

You’ve always been holding me back

Stopping me from blossoming into the student I should have always been

You tell me I’m different from the other students

That this behavior is inappropriate

I have trouble following directions

Being uncooperative

And disrespecting my teachers

I create waves, you say

Talking back and refusing to do my assignments

Having the power to look you in the eyes and say

No

I’m not doing that

You’re afraid

I can see that nervous, frustrated look in your eyes when you say “you have to”

“You must”

“You have no choice”

“It’s not an option”

I can see the fear in your persistence

The way you spoonfeed me my blank pages

All the extra time you give me to redeem myself

Asking me over and over if I’m really okay with accepting a zero

You don’t give up

No matter how much I can see it disheartens you

The way you call my parents everyday

And tell me it’s all gonna be okay

The way you keep me after class

Begging it’s the only way I can pass

And that upset, dismayed expression you give me every time you hear my reassuring

Resolute

“No”

“I’m not doing that”

I’m sorry I’ve always refused the assignments

That didn’t seem to carry any value

I’m sorry I never turned in the papers

That required a neat little picture or outline

I apologize for never shooting hoops or agreeing to be a team player

I am contrite in never having made a model out of clay or having painted a pretty picture

I’m sorry I’m not really sorry

To be such a disappointment in your eyes

But something you’ll never seem to understand

Is that this isn’t me

That this isn’t what I need to succeed

And that quite frankly

No

I’m not doing that

You always felt like you could win

That I was the issue

The wrench in the machine

You’re the one in power

So your word is law

Right?

All you want to do is help me

Get me to understand the way I should be

How I should act

What I should and should not say

How I should and should not feel

I can hear it in your words that you want to control me

That it’s not really about my education

What I’m missing out on

Or the lessons I’m not learning

You want me subdued

Not enough to be a dropout but just enough to bend to your whims

You wish to sedate my creative wisdom

You say there’s an error in my system

But that error is having a mind

And knowing how to use it

That error is thinking critically

And being able to shatter the illusion of your superiority

That error is being able to take matters into my own hands and say

No

I’m not doing that

You tell me I’m here to learn

Yet you trivialize the very act

You waste my time through tedious activities

That are hardly relevant to the main task

You seem to think that I’d be a better student by just going along with all that you say

But tell me when this will matter in later years

How much you’re broadening my horizons

That I’ll be a more well-rounded person after completing this worksheet

That I’ll be one step closer to enlightenment after each lap I run

You give me no proof as to why these things are worthwhile

You merely say that they’re required

That they’re “mandatory”

That if I refuse, I’ll fail

And that if I fail, I’ll be nothing

But I can see right through your lies

And I can see meaninglessness in disguise

And that is why I do not comply

So for the last time

No

I’m not doing that