elephants failing

to be completely honest i don’t want to be alive nothing makes sense anymore and everything hurts and it used to hurt so much less but now it just hurts so much more blinking my eyes requires so much more energy from when i was nine and happy skipping around the park with my mom’s hand slipped into my chubby fingers. taking a step is like lifting a thousand elephants inhaling like fighting gravity exhaling, atlas letting down the sky stars like to shine on me i wish they wouldn’t im not worth shining for, if im just going to leave anyway someone says they’re worried about me i don’t bother to open the text or see who it’s from it doesn’t matter i’m not going to be around much longer then they won’t have anything to worry about sometimes i stare at the bottle of pain pills in my medicine cabinet i contemplate what would happen if i took them one by one by one until the world fell apart it would be good i think i take a pause i reach in.