Eleven.

by Nida Saif

January 22, 2016

Watching over my blanket

Trying to hide my face

from the view

from his satanic arms trying to grab something up the fridge

And I tried to hold my breath still

Hush, I told my heart

It will be okay

You will come out of this nightmare,

Any moment now,

You will wake-up, maybe screaming.

I told myself,

I reminded myself I’m just a kid

I’m just…eleven

I’m not even sexy

My curves aren’t even formed yet,

My hips aren’t even big enough to grope,

yet.

I hushed my racing heart,

oh I felt like fainting

I wish I’d just faint.

Why don’t I faint! Oh dear God, help me.

Help me, help me just this once.

Please, let me not be the victim!

But he put down the bottle,

he turned his back,

I could almost feel his stare peeking right through me

And he rushed towards me,

Snatching away the blanket brutally,

So brutally the fur felt like fire against my bare legs

And he looked right into my eyes

He grabbed me by his iron hands,

my shoulders,

my breasts,

my waist,

then my stomach.

My stomach.

It churned all the anxieties, mixed with fears

inside me

All my screams were locked up inside me

Safe in me.

And then he began to rape me

He raped me naked

He raped me cut

He raped me opened

He raped me jagged

He rapped me torn

He raped me screeched

He raped me.

Once,

Twice,

Thrice,

Every day

Every week

Every month

Until he couldn’t find the friction in me

Enough for his satisfaction

Enough for his lust

Enough to make him happy, anymore

Then one day,

He walked out,

Left me panting,

Shivering,

Shattering

On the cold floor

And that’s when I struggled a moan of pain out my mouth,

I waited until I could struggle to stand up on my feet again,

I watched him leave right out the door,

I called after him,

“Daddy… who will look after me now?

Who will stay with me,

Terrorize me, rape me

Fuck me, like you have been doing

All along.

Daddy,

You should not leave me behind broken like this,

Let me die

Let me just slit my throat open for you,

Like you have shoved all my insides out into nothingness

Okay daddy?

Let’s make a deal,

I wont tell the world about your pleasures you took from me,

And you let me die, or kill me, or at least witness while I cut myself altogether

Because daddy

No matter how much guts you may lack to watch me die,

You fucking had the spirit to fuck me, fuck everything in me that has fucking killed me in literal sense

So let’s end this!

Here,

Right now

Because I swear to God if you don’t fucking walk back to me

Right this fucking instant,

Daddy, I will fucking chop off your genitals

And leave you to live a life without that very pride of yours

With which you fucking feel like a man,

Well then fuck you

*spits*

Fuck you, daddy.

Not even God is gonna have mercy on you

And I will do us all a favor now,

I will end my existence in front of your naked self,

Because I still have dignity!!

*slits throat*

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