The Elves and the Shoemaker: The Labor Edition

Once upon a time Lived an old shoemaker Who took pride in his work Unlike those young, factory-loving fakers He used only quality leather Which ran up his costs If he didn’t make a profit soon His whole livelihood would be lost When he gazed upon the mass-produced boots Brimming prolifically in other stores He sullenly thought to himself, “Handmade shoes are no more!” One night when he was in despair For all his bills came due He took a walk about the town To scope out other shoes A tiny beggar in the street Saw the shoemaker and said, “Please help me sir, my toes are frozen. I feel most nearly dead!” The shoemaker cast his eyes upon this creature And said, all filled with pity, “You are barefoot and walking around This dirty, fateful city! “Please take my shoes, I pray they fit Wear them in good health I am blessed, as I have more than you Though I have but little wealth.” The beggar donned the well-made shoes Then thanked him and hustled away The sock-clad man later said to his wife, “It was a good day today!” As they slept soundly in their bed The couple was not aware That the beggar and some of his friends Snuck into the shoemaker’s lair All night long they crafted shoes From the little leather left They even wrote a little note Ensuring they did not engage in theft Indeed they did not, as the shoemaker learned When he woke up with the dawn Shoes of every style and size Were lined up on the lawn The shoemaker’s wife cocked her head And said, “Is everything all right? Why did you make all these shoes And stay up all night?” “But I didn’t,” he replied, “I didn’t have enough leather Or even enough time To cobble all these shoes together.” People started streaming in After spotting the shoes outside They had such a high yield that day That they both almost cried “You must have been sleepwalking,” She said after they had closed, “And can’t remember making All these closed- and open-toes!” So he stopped making shoes And simply just sold What appeared in the morning But he never told That the second night of his shoe-palazoo He snuck down the stairs And found a congregation of elves Toiling in their chairs “What are you doing here?” The shoemaker almost said, And then he recognized one was the beggar And it made sense in his head. The elf wanted to repay him So he brought all his friends Well, the shoemaker figured, He would let him make amends So he thanked them for their labor And brought them milk and cookies They did mighty fine craftsmanship For a bunch of rookies The shoemaker did this every night And did not tell his wife It would be the only secret he would keep from her In his entire life Then one day a woman returned some heels Saying the soles were already gone The shoemaker had to apologize And give her a refund That night the shoemaker marched, towing food, Into the workshop “What are you elves doing? These shoes were a flop!” “I’m sorry,” one elf said, “But as you rant and rave, Remember that you’ve given up the craft yourself And are using us kind elves as slaves!” The very loud arguing that subsequently Started in the workshop Woke the sleeping shoemaker’s wife She saw everything and yelled, “Stop!” “I want to know what’s going on, Tell me the truth, be bold,” And between the shoemaker and the worker elves So the story was told The shoemaker helped the beggar The elves used their shoe-making magic to help him out The shoemaker fed the elves nightly And now expects to have boss-level clout The elves all crossed their arms And using their limited knowledge of human jargon, Said “We are going to unionize We want to collectively bargain!” The shoemaker’s wife announced to the room, “I know, everybody! Let us use some profits You fellows will keep making shoes And we’ll give you pay and benefits!” They all agreed and shook each other’s hands A labor contract was formed From then on their working relationship Was congenial and warm And so, my friends, this story ends I hope you’ve learned this fundamental: Never hire elves to cobble shoes Unless you offer health and dental