EMBARRASSING DIARY ENTRIES - 18/19.11

If today I die purposefully, 

just know it wasn’t me.

 

All these voices in my head,

they keep me up.

At night I barely sleep.

 

Bad enough 

I haven’t said, 

all these voices in my head

are driving me to do, impulsively, 

what i think you would dread.

 

If tomorrow came a little faster,

maybe i would stay.

If it’s today any longer,

I am very afraid.

 

The worst.

 

Don’t say a word.

Every night before i sleep,

I think of life and how it could be

if I were to follow through 

with this choice

that haunts me. 

 

It doesn’t seem so bad

 

I hope a day comes where the idea of that,

of finally falling through 

seems as bad to me,

as it probably does to you.