Emotional drain

Broken in pieces not sure i can fix Nor heal the way I wanted to Mfs was doinnn meh so mfinnn filthy Since I was a lil leight Came in dis world gloves on , straight swinging 1st battle was my journey coming into dis toxic world beings my birth A toxic ship that mentally destroys & shifts chemical off balance 😪 Wet blindfolded used for cover - shaking colder den a cold December shoulder , nor no peace , no soul, no heart since a Lil leight How Is thus the only normal Ahhhhh love what's dat For child had to become an adult Never knew what it truly meant to be safe Wasn't allowed to get comfortable Had no choice ,.where home was or whom was home Knotout, after knotout Eyes barely open only could see the Grey light flashing Shidd was coming in fast from all angles different directions Had dem knifes so deep in my bacc Came from mfs that claim they was soild Shidd came blazing from within Mfs that was around meh smile in my face Dem shaper knifes was flying in first class Cutting meh so deep 😪 Shidd split meh into two Cut in between my younger meh & the grown woman /mother meh Some reason this shidd hunting meh Everything came baccc the nightmares /the fading in & out the daymares becoming more real & itz staring to feel all to real I can't shake this burden 😪 I just wanna wake up from this nightmare This shiddd definitely took /broke everything up outta meh Pieces steady fallen shallowling everywhere Why tf is this always the topic of your conversation Wanting mehh to suffer to please your ego is a disgrace Willy knot knowing Willy WHY tf I gotta deal with this shit , For the rest of MY FUCKINNN LIFE It's no way that's so The most wicked shidd be happening Be formal here let's really get it out However yuh choose , yuh can even perceive, I'm still gonna win Ahit be goofy asf to meh Having meh stung for a beift moment Then watched da shidd play out & mfs cricket's NOW HOW CAN THIS STILL BE ON MEH Dis shidd will knot take nomore of my energy Did the time , took them rounds Came out a kid body Where was my opposition ? Put this big responsibility on a child having a child Shameless knot yhhh dnt even have one ounce of heart in yuh Tninkin im Facing it headstrong , by da force frm behide Slowly it became real & rushed forced left with no other option Finally wax healing frmm it Illusion became my biggest creation I even spoke openly about it more Couldn't bare to deal wid it kant afford to get stuck bacc there Couldn't deal with the emotional affects roller-coaster ride it took on meh Refuse to cry bout dat shidd .-shidd will knot make meh weak ever again Mfs lied ...talking bout this shit , didn't make shidd hurt less da pain never eased up not once Shidd jus become more realer as I rip off each bandages Things I suppressed away slowly came up in different forms in many seasons It's odd doe How it became so much to bare when I started taking off bandages Soon as I said enough is enough Stand frim in wohat I already knew I'm whom it happen to Had to learn how to reroute Get thru dem lanes without getting evy in yhh Why tf i gotta prove it's 9soj ,when yhh kno it's so All my life mfs was trynna / thought as if they could control meh As if they could detain meh Mutilate my feelings Meantime by getting briefly gifts Tied my shoes strings Throw meh down to mh knees Abuse meh ,take meh anytype of way as if I was your possession Who gave yuh that right & NOW YUH THINK YUH GONNA WIN THIS FIGHT