Emotionless

The feeling is dull,

empty,

lonely,

and I've never understood it.

It's all new to me,

as I fear not,

I love not,

I am not,

I cannot.

Chin up, they say,

you can, they say.

No use, I say,

I need a new way

to look at each day,

and somehow find a way

to move on,

to move forward,

so no.

I can't cheer up,

I can't improve,

but nothing changes

unless I do.

If I feel better,

the day does too,

but when I don't,

there's nothing more to do.

I want to move on,

I want to get better

but in this state

I fear it won't happen,

so I just keep dragging,

hopeless of change

and the improvement

they all say

I deserve. 

So I take on each day

as it comes my way,

and maybe eventually

it'll be okay.

But until then,

I must power on

and maybe I'll someday

realize what's wrong.

Is it a disorder

or simply a mood?

Is this time of my life

affecting it too?

Is it all in my head

or some weird inner feud,

where one side of me's happy

and the other intrudes?

Will I ever know?

No, and neither will you.

Or maybe I will,

and someday if I do,

I hope to move on

to a better place I belong,

where I don't have to question

my every intention,

my every emotion,

myself. 

And I hope the same for you.