Empty!

Location

19147
United States
39° 56' 6.2304" N, 75° 9' 5.8284" W

Empty the feeling no one really wants to feel

But I feel empty alone but with friends around me

I feel Isolated so cold that my mind is numb to the tears that I cry

I could never have a child at the age of 17

With such delicate hands to hold such smooth skin to caress

No one ever wanted to advise me

That made me Angry

No one ever told me the my hands could be used for craddling

No one ever told me that my hands can guide someone down the street

And it frustrates me it makes me feel weak

I never wanted to be alone forgotten empty thrown away

That was never my decision I wanted to make

I wanted to live learn grow escape lies

But the pills made me drowzy and put me to sleep

I heard a deep voice telling me count to three

I steadily counted One.... Two... I was out before Three

Remembering blurred faces mind racing high pitch machines beeping

I didnt want to do this to me

I never felt so cold and alone

So filled with darkness and miscontemption

I never knew my fingers could burn babies

8 fingers and 2 thumbs were explosive hot

I never wanted to burn him

And keep the ashes in my closet to left bottom corner

His ashes lay still born I mean burn

No one ever taight me to acknowledge my mistakes

They just told me Shhhh make it go away

I never wanted to be angry sad or in pain

But for some damn reason i still pay

I didnt get to choose the pink or blue and the yellow or white clothing for him

I wonder if he will forgive me for burning him

Well it wasnt me it was everyone else who told me

Damn I should have never listened to them

Let me cut the bullshit I just regret it

I regret sitting in that seat answering yes to all those damn questions the doctors asked me

Because the short answers to thos questions were going to be the short breathes my baby had

I never wanted to feel alone empty and cold

Now I feel all those things and more

More than ever now im drowning in my own remorse

If I could tell him anything now I would say:

My sin was not having you

My sin was geting rid of you

I should have never listned to all those voices

I always wanted to craddle you

I remember when i found out I was so happy that I even wrote you a song

But poelpe cam between us and brain washed me

And now i am as lonely as anyone can be

Baby boy mama loves you & with out you im incomplete

So fuck all those motherfuckers that ever told me to get rid of you

Because what they did was get rid of me

Empty a feeling no one really wants to feel

But I am empty and thats real.

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