I wish I could see the person

I AM

not the person I want to

Be

not the person everyone else thinks 

I should Be

I am drowning in 

Expectations and 

Judgments.

I can never be a good nurse

I am not a good CNA

I’m not even a good person and 

EVERYONE 

hates me.

I am the ugly sister

the outcast of my family.

my father can't even bother to 

CALL ME

let alone attempt to rebuild the 

BURNT BRIDGE 

that has become our relationship

I am not a good enough daughter

I am not a good enough honors student

why do I try?

I cant even be a good friend

they all run 

SCREAMING

I think even I am running from me…..

I cannot find my way to the surface

The anxiety of what 

I am not

has caused me to 

Lock

my heart and 

hide the key,

so even I cannot find it.

I feel but I feel only 

BLAZING ANGER 

at my adversaries

and immense sadness

for what is happening

in my life.

But most of all…

I feel….

……..Empty Inside

because I can no longer feel

how I once felt…

it is like even God himself has abandoned me

even though I know he is here

I am far from being able to hear or feel him

Please……

I want to be human again….

I want to feel again….

let me live again….

raise me from the hell I have hid myself in

lower my defenses

destroy the chains binding my heart

Help me find me again….

because…

I miss her…..