Empty Love

Angry Whispers 

Broken Wine Glasses

Scared Friends

"Why does he hold you like that?"

"Why does he snap?"

"Why do you stay?" 

Because he loves me

I want to scream out and tell the whole world

Obviously he loves me

He tells me every day

Every blue wrist and bruised elbow is because he loves me

Next day, Next fight

A lamp was broken, my tongue was tied

I couldn't utter a word

He said he loved me 

It was like the miracle band-aid that fixed the world

My world

Because even though I hurt every day, I was "loved"

Last day, Last fight

A lip was busted, handprint sore on my face 

As if the mark had been there since birth

Heat radiates down my neck, past my toes

"You did this! Do you not see! You are insolent and stupid! Never good enough! Why do I love you so?"

I absorb the words as they float toward the ceiling 

and fall in my ears

His face fills with cold dread, guilts familiar face steps in the door again 

"I am sorry, babe. You know I love you. I just got mad, I'm sorry! It won't happen again." 

I am mute, deaf, space is but a theory because I couldnt feel it. 

No. 

Blood pooled at the bottom of my chin

Dripping on my shoelace 

 Where my eyes laid

No.

I look up to see a fire burning behind my partners eyes

I never wanted to be afraid of that flame again

He would not have control over me

What is love? 

Cause this pain, this numbness, this emptiness and fear

This is not love

Anger and emotion caught fire in my belly

A scream for justice rang deep in my throat 

No. 

Leave. 

Don't come back. 

We are done. 

His hand raise high. 

Ready to strike again. 

Not again, Not ever

NO.

He stops bewildered, steps back as if hurt by my noncompliance to get hit. 

I went and got my suit case and left.

The profanities my partner yelled were obscene. 

But I learned something,

Love should not make you feel empty,

and " becasue I love you" is not an excuse.