Enemy within

Matthew 6:23 

²³ But if your eye is diseased, your whole body will be full of darkness.

If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!

Enemy within           

The enemy of “best” is often the habit of the "good" we do.

To whom much is given in talent and position.

Whose exposure is seen from afar.

Much is expected in growth and dedication,

for influence represented is like a shining star.

Is it a blessing than … to have little?

To be unnoticed … as the days pass.

Not much expected from you … may be just a tickle

that someone in irritation at times wants to scratch.

Why do I notice myself … more and more?

Why not be at peace … with being just little?

Why am I satisfied … in front of a closed door,

where hope it is locked up … it’s not a riddle.

Am I looking for excuses to stay unnoticed

or is the drive within me kept down?

No disappointments and pain then will enclose me.

Instead of standing tall … I just sit on the ground.

Is it the fear … to get hurt again

or of bad decisions … I made under pressure?

Then blamed others for circumstances they planned

but the decisions were mine to be judged by my measure?

The scream that echoes through the ages;

" Is there no balm … in Gilead?"

Is not God's hand stretched out on all the pages

of the bible … The Living Word at that?

Why can't I forget the burning wounds

which scarred my heart … my name not to mention?

His balm softens the pain … and always soothes,

but what about me … in my entrenchment?

Innocence lost ... it seems forever.

Oh yes, I know … Grace paves the way!

But the way I feel … that I will never

reach the expectations that God has every day.

I can't talk to no-one ... they won't understand.

They see things in me … which are only my longing.

But these are the things  … that I cannot find,

in myself in mind … or in heart's longings.

Is this now the end … or the beginning of things?

Am I escaping from self … always helping others?

In love I give all … because I don't love myself?

Is that what drives me … why should that bother?