Enough

I’m not enough Not smart Not beautiful Not athletic Not creative Not talented Not helpful I'm not anything I wish I was oozing Oozing at the seems Bursting Bursting with something more Some sort of passion Bursting with a drive Overflowing Being more than enough Relevant Adequate Acceptable Predictable A five maybe a six But not much more Good enough to pass Not good enough for me Not enough to pass my expectation Not enough to fill my dreams Not enough to be better Not enough for others to think I’m smart Not enough Not enough Not enough All these pressures To succeed To be better To strive for greatness To surpass expectations To change to world To at least get all A’s Im failing Not just my classes But these pressures Are crushing me Suffocating me Killing me Turning myself against me Pushing to me to the edge Since third grade, I've stood on that ledge Slowly taking steps forward You can't control what happens to you But you can control how you respond Life throws things at you And you have to catch them Some of them stick “Grandma has cancer” They told me I asked an eight ball Will she be okay My teacher feared and warned The eight ball said “yes” That was third grade The next years they teased The way i dressed The way i acted It was different I had one real friend And millions of my own fantasy stories Seventh grade she died I no longer had her To straighten my hair To make me breakfast To teach me To keep keep grandpa sane I lost faith Lost hope Questioned why Why we live just to die? How could god Do that to us? Eighth grade I met him And he became my new religion He changed my life Planting flowers in a desert Of course those flowers died Toxicity grew until Senior year It was enough We were coughing Choking on the poison That came out of the others mouth Cuz we thought somehow It’d change Grandpa had cancer too He was just a happy go lucky man You'd never know until the last day That he was truly sick You don't always realize how deeply Things can affect you Until you're talking And you start crying Because it hurts so much And i know I need to stop Stop crying But i can't anymore It's enough I can't do it anymore I'm sick of keeping everything in I'm sick of the world That expects us to be apathetic monsters Living life as if we don't care As if things don't bother us As if we don't matter But who am I to say that I'm not good enough I'm not smart enough To know and explain To provide facts to back Those opinions I'm not enough to make a difference But enough is enough