Entry 11

To feel so fucking useless
pitiful
disgraceful

what am I to you?
To her?
To him?

a shit filled failure
a false sense of hope in everyone
dissapointment is what i cling to
it's easy
to believe nothing is better
it feels satisfying
embracing a less hopefull path

where no one will be hurt
by me being an ass
an idiot
a nusance

fuck everything i do
no matter if i can redeem myself
i'm dumb enough to make a mistake
it feels pointless
a vacancy

but i stay...for some apparent reason..
i'm dumb enough to stay
dumb enough to even follow the same self pity
when i shouldn't