Epilogue Reflection

I'd rather be a character

Some of myself deeply embedded

Or I'd rather be a caricature

With parts of me exaggerated for comedic effect

But you see that thing I did

The other day

When I stood trembling like a dying trout

That was what I'm terrified by

But it is also that luminous white light I mentioned

Though I felt as though I might not be able to go on

The fact that I did

And had that exchange of eye contact

On that last line of poignancy

It was what I needed to tell me,

"Yes, this is what you must keep doing

It'll be petrifying at first

But so was acting

Do you remember that time?

This is your chance to evolve again

You've grown to the point where you don't need Ms.Hart to hold you up

And even if you do sometimes

Facebook exists

And she "liked" your poem-status

So that's a good sign

You feel that red warmth in your ruddy cheeks?

You feel your knee-caps barely keeping intact like when you auditioned for Ruth?

Those are good signs and you know it!

Keep going.

Trembling is just part of the process-

Like a child learning to walk.

If you don't let this fear fuel you and grow with it-

You'll need to triumph against that self who holds you back.

Come on, dear, you can do this.

You don't need to be a caricature of yourself

Your you-ness is phenomenal

Think of all your idols.

They own up to their they-ness.

And you know they had to tremble, too.

Don't be fazed-"

(I mustn't be fazed.)

"You held people's hands at that point

And they told you they took your heart.

It may have been gory, but the first time always is.

You got to that edge and dove.

You may have feared oblivion.

But you jumped anyways.

And that's what matters.

That white light can be you, after all, if only you show it.

And you showed a slight glimmer.

That's something, love.

That's something."