Escaping Myself

Waking up and feeling hope. Hope only to be dashed by my own stupidity. Letting myself fall far away from help And drowning in my mistakes. How do I escape it all? Swallow another pill, Suck in one more hit, Gulp another firey drink, Or throw myself at this man... My past ways of getting better Have led me to feel worthless And hopeless. But change is so hard And it hurts all the more. Seeing you succeed Is a slap in the face. I can see no alternative For healing- Except escaping myself.