Euphoria

Euphoria, a feeling or state of intense excitement and happiness.

But now I’m a lot more dead, and happy less.

I catch myself smiling at times, and I’m surprised.

That everybody else besides me can move on with their lives.

I used to talk with everybody, but now I’m boxed away.

I mean here and there yeah I felt it flow,

But damn man I sense I gave up a while ago.

I cry a lot more, and shit falls into place.

I catch myself with my head down zoned out in space.

Earl didn’t go away, nor is he dead.

He’s just lost, drowning in my head.

I haven’t been happy for more than a few hours,

cause I can’t appreciate time much like ours.

Laid down and cried, though I wish I would’ve died.

Don’t wanna be here, nor anywhere,

I think I’ve grown away and don’t really care.

Something’s not right, hell I know it,

got the opportunity to grow and I just might blow it.

I say I’m lonely, and people say I’m not,

perhaps because I’m not as open, but that’s just a thought.

I’m so dead inside, fuck man I’m kinda broken.

But shit I just live everyday, just kinda hopin’...

That one day I’ll feel that warmth that you once gave me.

Until the I’m just gonna walk and try to save me.

You tell me I live a great life, but it’s because I’ve only showed you the light,

cause deep down shit really ain’t that black and white.

Cole told me to be thankful, I caught that.

Childish showed I’ve been about you, and I’m still about you, I got that.

Earl said he may be lonely, and sought that.

Something’s always wrong with me, or something’s always broken right?

But damn it’s been months that I’ve been broken, and I kept the pain outta sight.

You don’t see tears, or a cutting line.

Because I’ve kept all this damn madness locked up in my mind.

Mom drinks more, so now I know the bud wiser.

Dad’s been around, but him and I haven’t been the same since I aged.

Miles is the one always in someone’s face, fuckin’ raged.

Younger ones made me not wanna have kids anymore, so that dreams gone for now.

So I’ve told myself that I just gotta do me, but how?

I’ve lost myself and I lost emotion.

Because of that I had low commitment and nearly no devotion.

What the hell am I doing here, lost, I thought I was the best.

Something through me outta balance and I had the emotion of love but lost the rest.

I mean, yeah, I consider myself a little grown.

But everybody knows you can’t take on the world alone.

I’ve been swung on for little reasons, and I guess that shits alright,

Looking back on it I wanna break, but I hold my lips tight.

I wear my scars like the rings on a pimp,

I flash my smile like the lights on a blimp.

I share my stories through my life, for it’s a book.

But for some reason it’s not straightened out, it’s a hook.

Don’t have a castle, nor a casa, just a cell,

And my screams remain ringing as they echo in my bell.

And when I’m down, I find myself in the Atmosphere.

Shoutout to Slug, spending life in the lithosphere.

I haven’t been so lost in so damn long,

but that’s the damn reason that I wrote this song.

I gotta find myself in order to be happy again,

and I don’t give a fuck about what help you could lend.

This is me, hell I might be crazy,

and when I could be succeedin’’ I catch myself being lazy.

I’ve been lost for some time,

but I can’t talk about it, only rhyme.

I remember I once said I’ve never been depressed,

then someone came in, not much like the rest,

And changed shit up, so now I’m a bit stressed,

I’m no longer happy, even if my life seems blessed.