Evaporate

The day I found out my father was in the hospital,

I was emotionless.

The day I saw him,

A man wrapped in wires,

Barely alive,

My heart broke.

The day I found out he was dead?

My soul died.

I cried until air refused to enter my lungs,

To the point that i was shaking,

Gasping and drowning,

In my own ocean of salt water,

In that moment,

I felt most like myself,

Broken.

When you left,

My soul shattered,

A piece of me detached itself and traveled into the midst of space,

Sleep became a long lost friend,

Eating became a lengthy process,

I hardly had the energy for it,

Any of it,

You see,

I was happy once.

I used to skip over sad poetry because that wasn’t me.

I sang in the shower, even danced.

I wrote poetry about life even if nobody cared to read it.

Yours was the only opinion I cared about.

You were in all of my poems.

The star.

You still are.

My rock,

My father,

Regardless of the impurity you’d cursed upon me,

I wrote in honor of you,

Just not for the reason I want you to be.

For how could I write poetry about you..

when you never loved me?

I see it now,

I never used to see it,

but now I can,

After everyone tells me I look too tired,

I finally looked in the mirror one day; and I saw it.

The color from my face has faded,

leaving an almost transparent,

pale cover that holds more imperfections than used to.

The bags under my eyes,

that seem to get darker,

and heavier each day.

The red spots on my lips,

that are the result from an unknowing habit,

of tearing the skin from them with my teeth.

I see it now, and I feel it more too.

The drained, heavy,

eye burning,

empty,

Tired,

and almost sick feeling.

I might look like I need to sleep for two weeks,

but unfortunately this is the kind of tired that can’t be cured by sleep.

I’ve come to the realization recently,

My father broke me,

And my mother healed me,

The biggest influence in my life,

Was, and always will be,

My mother,

I was raised by possibly,

The most courageous woman I know,

Growing up,

I was supposed to curl up,

Back down,

Evaporate into the background,

I wasn’t supposed to be anything,

I was supposed to be a nobody,

Yet now, because of her influence,

I’m on my way to the spotlight,

I’m shining,

Luminous,

Just take a look at who I grew to be,

All thank to one person,

My mother,

I don’t want to be,

Nobody,

And now,

Thanks to her influence,

Her impact on my life,

I won’t be nobody