Ever, Always, Me

I once made a choice
When a choice made me
Consider the soul
Which I would solely be

I could've gone right
To just fitting in
Left all that was left
Of me, quitting again
My efforts to stand
In no shadow but mine
Why should I not fall?
Be akin to my kind?

I pondered this choice
As I chose then to see
How chasing the whole
Would so wholly change me

The faces flew up
Like a kaleidoscope
My spirits sunk down
As I struggled to cope
With altering self
To appeal to selves
Why must I be different?
Is anyone else?

I wandered by choice
As I wondered to choose
If loving myself
Could my very self lose

The path wound on past
Of the things I'd become
Defined not by futures
But rather, by one
Who looked only inwards
For identity
Is change not disruption?
Why necessity?

But Change came my way
Its change did stay

It measured my choice
And bade me abstain
From training my brain
With the mass's refrain
It likewise rejected
A dalliance with self
"Non mihi solum"
Put pride on the shelf

My purpose was rooted
In simplicity
No how-tos to search for
To understand me
An answer recurring
Yet ever unfound
Appeared in the lessons
I'd built life around

"A page ere rolled, a tale hence told"
"Admire the old, inspire the mold"
"A heart of gold, a soul whole, bold"
"Let hands fold, touch heaven when cold"

I once made a choice
When a choice made me
Describe who I was
By the me I did see

My outwards will look like
What God bids it be
As I measure within
What, then, do I see?

Ever, always, me.