Everette

Dear Everette,

There is so much that I wish I could say to you. There is so much I am withholding. There is so much that I don't know what to do.

I'm too scared

I'm too afraid

I know you'll leave

and I don't know why

I let you read my poetry. I think you saw something a little to deep and dark into me.

I think I scared you away.

I'm getting attached. It is because I'm scared.

I already want to end this letter. 

why is it always so hard to say what I want

                                   because I know what happened in the past

its valentines day and im hurting

my ex is across the street

after 2 years he ghosted me.

my ex fiance cheated on me and married her 4 months later

I was sexually abused as a child

I was sexually assulted last month by a guy on campus

I drank, smoked, and did things I didn't want to do.

I beat myself up for being bipolar and I constantly make myself throw up

I tried to kill myself.

The hardest part is knowing you'll see the bad and not understand.

but you are such a good listener. I can tell. 

I also have so many good things, but why is it bad to share the good stuff? I don't want people to think all the bad stuff defines me. Because it doesn't. 

I can paint

I can play sports

I knit

I rollerskate

I run

I swim

I surf

I write poetry

I can play 12 different instruments

I can sew

I box

I do yoga

I meditate

I do tarot readings

I rock climb

I kyack 

Why does the good not cancel out the bad?

I only had the chance to tell you some bad, but I haven't had the chance to show you the good

Why are you distancing yourself from me?

I like you and somehow I found what I was looking for in you.

You are everything.

But I am not your everything. 

So how and why.

Why does the bad continue and my heart break

How can you keep being set free and not have to worry about me

why does my dissappointment continue

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

just cross me off the list

put me under the black moon

turn my chin upwards until I crack

I want to be buried away

further than you 

I just want to dissappear

It is a privilage to know you because now I know exactly what I want. It just sucks.

I really think this was love at first sight, but not.

Love in the first day.

My heart has never broken so hard so fast. 

And it hurts.

IT HURTS.

-art