Every Morning After

Every morning after, I cried to God Pleading that he’d be merciful and wake us both From the nightmare of your passing And grant us instead Mirrors Reflections of who we truly were Beyond the family gossip And shameful stares Because in his eyes and in mine You were nothing less than beautiful And nothing more than misunderstood And in your eyes, despite the years, I was still the little big sister with all the answers How could we know, when the nightlights turned off, That the monsters weren’t just our imagination? There was so much I could shield you from Life wasn’t one of them But I was never meant to—That’s a savior’s job And I needed salvation just as much as you did I found mine in the arms of the cross And you found yours in a quiet garage, hidden behind the wheel Of a running engine, churning and humming in the silence If I’d gotten the chance, I would have warned you That demons dress up like Jesus sometimes But it’s too late for words Our time has expired, On God’s time or yours Depending on which side of the church door you’re facing Instead, I pray for mirrors And a flashlight So I’ll know where to step in the darkness around me And be able to glance back at your footsteps in the dirt To remember where you’ve been And never travel there.