Everything Falls Apart

No one ever knows, Nobody ever sees, The pain of picking up a shattered soul. Piercing your skin in a thousand places. Falling like sand in a clenched hand. My blood began to drip, Forming an ocean beneath my feet. I called out into the darkness Trying to understand my weak soul And wonder why I woke up in tears. Another innocent life was taken in the name of depravity. I cannot sleep; My very being comes from pain And it burns red to blue. Dear father, I cannot look into your eyes Inside I’m hurting And so I’m blaming our fate on the night Without the moon to drive out our darkness I can no longer see the beauty from my childhood stories. I am your blood; Your son devoid of all your promises. Perhaps I’m an accident to you but know that I need you You provide me with the things you think I need But I don’t think you understand what I really need It’s not your monthly paychecks, It’s your affection. When I see the mirror image of myself I see your features And your reflection and the weight of being someone I can’t be. I don’t know how much time has passed When you told me that you would show me the way. I was very happy To the point of seeing an illusion of having a father who cared. I seek your compassion, I try to make you proud, But your head never turns in my direction. With my eyes closed I followed you. If I was seeking pain, I found it. Because you aren’t the person I believed in. I thought you were the hero of my childhood, But turns out you’ve always been the villain from my nightmares There’s a war inside my head And trouble a the tip of my tongue. I’m tired of pretending to not care I should be strong, But I am weak. There is a place I call home It’s a place where I’m known Where there is no fear. I’ve been counting the years to find such a place, Having hopes that in time it would reveal itself. Unsure of where to start, My nightmares soon turned to daydreams. Before I end this farewell, I want to thank you for being the life of my life. I lay in the darkness, Praying to understand when everything began to fall apart.