Everything I Wish I'd Said

Dear Grandma Gloria,

There is so much I wish I could have said when I still had the chance

            But I didn’t…

There is so much I wish we could have done together

            But we didn’t…

There is so much I wish I could have learned from you

            But I didn’t ask…

                        But if I’ve learned anything over the last year,

                        You wouldn’t want me to cry over lost time.

Grandma, it’s been a year now

I miss you more than words could ever say

But I’m writing this to you

The things I wish I did

            But didn’t say

If you were still here,

I would tell you that I love you

I would hug you tight and close

I would tell you that I’ve missed you and that I wish we weren’t apart

But mostly I would look you straight in your eyes and tell you that I’m sorry.

I’m sorry that I read books instead of listening to your stories.

I’m sorry that I grumbled about playing your favorite games.

I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you that you were the best cook in the world.

I’m sorry that I didn’t text or call you as often as I should.

I’m sorry that I let our Words with Friends games die out.

I’m sorry that you’re going to miss so many big milestones in my life.

I’m sorry that you don’t even know I switched majors.

I’m sorry that we ran out of time.

Grandma, you are the strongest woman I know

            You fought cancer for eight long years

            It was a battle every day

            But you still kept your head up high

            And refused to stop believing.

When I look back on the women I have admired during my life,

You are at the top of the list for your resilience, courage, graciousness, and love.

I cannot thank God enough for the time that we did have.

I am grateful for the day I had you all to myself.

I am grateful for the stories I did get to hear you tell.

I am grateful for you sharing your favorite books with me.

I am grateful for the games we did get to play.

I am grateful for all of your homemade baking.

I am grateful for your generosity and open arms.

I am grateful for all of the fun memories that we had together.

I am grateful for your time.

The first time I realized just how sick you were was when you told my cousin you were just hoping to make it to her wedding.

And that was when I realized,

            You never planned on making it to mine.

But when my time does come,

            We will visit you

            I will tell him what an amazing woman my grandmother was

            And I won’t marry him without your approval.

Grandma, I know that your suffering has ended.

You are dancing on the streets of gold with Jesus

Just as you talked about in your last lucid moments.

I cannot wait to join you when my time on earth is done.

We will dance together in the streets;

            Our time will never end.

But until then, I will miss you.

My love for you will never cease.

Until we’re together again,

            I know God has us in His hands.

                                                            With all my love,

                                                                        Your granddaughter,

                                                                                    Rebekah Gloria Hernandez