Everything You Want to Be

When moods would come and go

And you could never really know

What was happening, why you were crying

Why it felt like you were slowly dying

Inside you felt empty, your heart decayed

But outside it was only joy and laughter displayed

You cry in secret, so no one ever knew

Why you never really felt like you

Why did things that were supposed to be happy make you sad

Aren't exciting adventures are supposed to make you glad?

You spend time with friends and family alike

But none of them ever knew your plight

You tried to bear it, you tried to hide

You tried so hard to keep no one by your side

You didn't want anyone else to feel

Everything with which you had to deal

Not wishing the pain, nor the nonsensical tears

That came from nowhere, or your irrational fears

At times you can't hide, but only play

That it was only for that one moment, in that one day

Nothing was wrong, you were perfectly fine

And so, for a minute, everyone was kind

It was quickly forgotten and swept away

But that’s how you liked it anyway

You knew you weren't normal, but you played the part

And so it took a while to finally get to the start

Years went by and you tried so hard

Until finally everything fell apart

It wasn't from stress, it wasn't from betrayal

It wasn't from something that you had failed

When everything was perfect, when everything should have been okay

The world just suddenly started to sway

Something inside had swiftly broke

You couldn't take anymore, couldn't hide it, so you spoke

Of how you don't know why, how you don't know when

But it was from everything building up to the end

You felt embarrassed, didn't want anyone to see, everything you don't want to be

You tried to hide your face, you tried to flee

But you can't escape from you, not truly

You couldn't try to play it off so coolly

You found some help, not fully, but a little

Your confidence had become extremely brittle

It takes some time, but soon you'll see

You can be exactly everything you want to be

You can get stronger

You don't have to be alone any longer

No more worrying about bringing everyone down

No more trying to float along so you don't drown

In the sorrows you buried so deep 

When the only escape was sleep

Medication can help, that’s very true

But it does not fully define you

It is but one aspect of your being

But shouldn't be all that anyone is seeing

You have this

And though it is not bliss

You've found a way to manage 

Just by using resources to your advantage

You've gotten help, maybe at other's suggestion

Even if you did try to question

The need for this since you were doing so well

But that's not true, if you look back, you can tell

That you were not okay, and everything was not right

And playing the part was your main plight

But after all it turned out fine

Since you finally caved in and sighed

Saw what was wrong and what you could do

So that you could be a little bit more like you

Because after this long journey you finally see

That you are all you wanted to be