Evolved

 Two days ago i was a quiet, low self esteem nerd with a boring warehouse job. As soon as i opened the bag my face had the weirdest tingling happening. So i ground up this amazing smelling magic weed and smoked 4 bowls and boy let me tell you. I blacked out. When I came to I was wearing a flannel shirt and overalls. I had a full man beard. I’m talking duck dynasty status. Wondering what happened i called into work and they let me know that i had slapped my boss and called him a beta male and quit. I immediately panicked of course but then i found out i had a new job as a diesel mechanic. I went outside to get in my crappy Nissan Pathfinder only to find out it had actually transformed into a Dodge Challenger that sounds like big foot and a jet plane having sex when i mash on the pedal and it pukes bald eagles out of the tail pipe. It’s a 5 speed and i never learned how to drive one until this weed taught me. I apparently had also built a log cabin. I joined a heavy metal band as the guitarist. I don’t even own a guitar but i found the coolest BC warlock axe in my living room, held by none other than Zakk Wylde. He handed me the piece of art and together we played metal licks so amazing that we actually summoned a demon named dildoroth or something and then we beat him up and made a necklace out of his horns. It was probably the wildest experience of my life but it changed me. It was a good change. Now I’m covered in tattoos, i can probably bench press a house, and the biggest thing is I’m not a nerd. I went into a book store and immediately all of Hillary Clinton’s books caught on fire when i looked at them.
I RECOMMEND THIS WEED TO ANYONE THAT WANTS TO UNLOCK THEIR INNER BADASS. I now walk around with a camelback filled with this magic plant.