Examination of a Relapse

today,

I traipse the line between free

and consumed

because you spoke to me

again

and though I thought I was

prepared

I’d practiced

hating you

told myself that

I’d gotten over it

found someone else

(though that’s not going particularly well)

here I am

once more

still

I know that this you,

this is not

you

this you is the quiet you

the you that likes me

because I’m fiery

and I like to disagree

the you that teases me,

but not to embarrass

the you that knows I’m vulnerable

and cares   

that is kind and opens up

and tells me things about yourself

quiet things

but I know that tomorrow

you’ll be someone else

because this isn’t the first time

so I’ll miss this you

I’ll get over it

slowly

as you proceed to ignore me

only to fall

once more

as you round the corner

where I stand

your eyes crinkle

at the edges      

and my heart leaps

because

they see it all

and they know me