“What should you expect in your senior year of high school?”
Well, a day in my senior year involves
waking up, and putting on my face
waking up and fixing my hair
I wake up and I try to find my place in this place I have to be everyday
I do my work and I read my books and try to find my place in this place we call high school
I learn to keep my head down in computer science, the 18 boys don’t like me very much.
They say ‘no girls allowed’ on internet simulators and such
And it doesn’t bug me
They’re computer science boys and they’re messing around
But it makes me want to conform
I learn to wait until after class to ask the teacher questions,
to not speak unless i need to
To not put myself out there
Then i go home and all my tasks shift
I try to prepare myself for my future, and all I see is
“What makes you different?” “what diversity do you bring”
Diversity? I was told we needed to be the same.
I was told we all need to look alike
So I say “I’m not sure”
“I’m not sure what I bring. I was told to act the same. I was told to kill myself on my 16th birthday for criticizing Trump. Rumors were started that I was in love with my best friend at the slight hint I might be gay. I learned to live a muted version of myself because the vibrant version could be a laughing stock.
I want to survive here, and by now i know that this is the way
The way is to keep your head down and only speak when you know you will be supported
Because if I look, sound, think, learn, or am wrong? You am out.
Because as a senior in high school I know how it goes
I’ve been around the block not once, twice, thrice but four times
And I know that if I do something different I will be the talk, talk, talk of the town and not in a good way
Now, I am fine with being different
I like my personality and I believe I have one
But to be asked to show it?
Well that’s something new.
That’s revolutionary because this is the first time I’ve been told to make myself stand out.
The very idea that being different is good needs to be drilled into my brain for me to understand it.
Not only that, it needs to be dragged back to the surface because sometimes I’m afraid I’ve lost my individuality
And my father taught be the difference between ‘lost’ and ‘misplaced’
“Lost is something that’s gone for good”
The expectations of a senior in high school.
Be just alike.
Be different from the rest.
What do you expect us to do.