Eyes in The Sun

All hopes go into a smooth grasp life's circumstances in ones dominant hand
My semesters days lead to a three digit goal
A gut twisting
Hand shaking
Stomach punching stiff grasp crumble corners
Nerves upon nerves soak the
Letter with doubt

The fake confidence withers away
Doubts that were lurking behind cold eyes go into a full blitz
It proves my midnight thoughts Right
I hide my shame
like eyes in the sun
I let my apologies wander
But the only destination they belong to
Is never where they land
All my restless notes lead to a dead end

in my living room stage
loved ones smiling patiently waiting on a response
Clutter around
A half eaten cake sits on a counter
Relatives fill ones frame
Gifts surround the table
silence feeds the heavy atmosphere
And everyone begins to realize
The party becomes ironic
A wave of disappointed sweeps the room and it is seen that though my family would never leave me

I will be left behind