Fading Into Oblivion

Four brick walls, one roof.

Eight rooms, two hall ways.

Four adults, one child.

yet I feel like a child too.

seven hours a day, ten thousands steps a day.

threats both physical and insults endured.

the task: to nurture and grow well rounded individuals.

respect diminished, working my ass off.

wanting the best for the children. never feeling enough.

four walls, one roof. 

the threats and insults run this house.

my hard work slowly drip fed here to keep things intact. 

picking up the slack.

one named successor.

one named bread winner.

but when he fails? all eyes on me.

a deer in headlights. 

a torch during a power cut.

not looked for or cared for until needs arise.

that’s what I am, a buffer of sorts.

a LAN cable sat in a pile of junk until someone needs to speed up a transfer.

always complacent.

speaks out to the ones who need it, but was the one who needed saving. 

always low-key crushed on the inside.

never a first choice, but always there to pick up slack.

never felt like I belonged anywhere in this world - still don’t. 

i yearn for connection, love, care.

simple human needs right?

nope, not for me.

pathetic, I may be, all I want is someone to care. 

starved of connection and love, I seek attention from anyone who gives me it.

vulnerable and susceptible to more abuse.

was I merely made for that?

to be used and abused until I’m not needed?

perhaps I should make my peace with it.

21:45 2/2/25 ~ Alz