Falling Out

My heart aches as tears seep into my pillow,

Soaking it

But I keep it there 

Because to ring it out would only dampen my sheets 

Falling into the mattress

The mattress to the floor

The floor to the ceiling of the floor below

And so on

And so on this day I fall deeper in love

With the idea of loneliness

We shorten our “goodnights” to “nights” 

Our “I love yous” to “love yous”

I notice the absence of one letter

You do not.

You fall out of love with me 

Because I am too much for you to handle

And not enough for you to love

I push you further away in my attempts to make you fight for me

But you are done fighting

You have retired your gloves and have enough bruises and invisible scars

I keep punching though

Punching myself with words of self deprecation

Feeling unloved

You do nothing but watch me hurt myself because you can’t do anything

But fall out of love