Familiar

 

I have this weird obsession with the cold.

Perhaps I’m simply

Fascinated

With familiarity,

But it knows just the right ways to freeze to the bone

Leaving the numbness of my heart

Feeling so much less lonely.

And I understand

Aggressively

That people are always around

To help keep me company

But clenched fists get stuck that way

If nobody ever learns the mercy

Of an open palm against your chest.

Depending on which window

You view from,

It is quite fortunate that

Heartbeats frighten me.

And, “I don’t need saving.”

Is a tattoo I plan on getting.

And maybe when you revealed

that you’re also still afraid of the dark,

It reminded me

That light is too often blinding.

And when we try to escape it,

Our eyes take too long to adjust

And we’re left blind

With uncertainty.

I’m not asking for sympathy.

But in the 2 years’ time

That I turned from who I was

To who I am

I seemed to have forgotten

The what, where, when, and how

And exactly where I left them

Is still unclear.

So, without any given circumstances

Or a stance to really stand for at all,

I think I will relish in this silence

Night by night

Spring to fall

Until I can feel still again.

Because the absence of motion

 is all I’ve ever truly known.

Perhaps I’m simply

Fascinated

With familiarity,

But it knows just the right ways to freeze to the bone.

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