family

To my loved ones that i cherrish so dear I'm so far but yet so near I know my voice and the words I spoke have not been so clear but listen not this is a young soldier that fought for years trying to hide the pain only had me going insane. It wasn't that I did not love you and it was not that I did not care but it was the voices i believed that made me want to leave. leave this earth and leave this world people constantly wondering were is the beautiful girl were did she go and why did she go when will she come will she ever come home? constantly batteling! it's a constant fight wondiewring when will i ever get it right? I know how may hearts have been bruised battered and scared I know but I have to move on I ask for forgiveness but never forgave I asked for love but never repayed I ask and I ask thinking what a shame. Constantly playing the mind game with men over and over again. constantly lieing and cheating but the reason for this was I bleeding inside not out wondering if anyone would hear the cry for help!!! like a piece of ducktape put over my mouth i never said a word it was pointless to let my voice be heard. if i never had anyone to listen and yes I believed in Jesus at one time in my life even then I said forget life putting on a mask so that no one could see the other side of me. I  couldn't stand the fact that I had hurt everyone around me including myself. But now I stand here as a new creation born again by GODs grace and faithfulness to create such priceless human beings like you and me that can see the true meanign of what life was is and is to come.