Fate and Choices

I need to kill myself to be rid of the blame

But I am too damn afraid of all of the pain

I am tired of being the last one loved

When trying as hard as I can is not enough

I am tired of being bored of my life even when I have lots to do

Being told I am worthless but I always loved you

Not feeling pretty when I look at the magazines of women

Feeling like I am losing it even though it appears that I am winning

Why can't someone see through this shit that I am pretending?

Never quite reaching the goal or happy ending

There are only so many tears I can cry from my ungrateful eyes

Before I curl up into a ball and shed my disguise

My nails claw at my skin trying to rip it away

Trying to change my life formed day by day

Sinking slowly into the night because it's my only place to hide

The only place I can let out what is truly inside

The pain feels acidic and I feel myself drowning

People mock me whenever they see that I am frowning

"Be grateful," they say, "You have the ability to choose."

But it is like I am choosing to break a bone, scar, or bruise

None of my choices make me happy but I feel there is no other way

The future is all I have and it is starting to fade

Help me- I don't know what else I can do

Save me from the fate the world is making me choose