Fate Deciding

It starts with an explosion of anger,

You know, the kind you forget,

And at a later date,

Re-remember.

Then pain hits you,

Visiting your shadow,

It pours through you as you rush,

And leaves you feeling shallow.

Deserted and alone,

Despair creeps in from the void,

A bottomless pit of sorrow,

Whilst your mind is being destroyed.

Apologies were offered,

And pathetic grovelling,

I knew what I'd done wrong,

The regret was very strong.

Phone calls were denied,

'Whats wrong?' My family tried,

'Nothing' I lied.

My friends, they would hide,

This life, I'd let fate decide.

Twenty pills was all it took,

And a few well placed left hooks,

Battered and beaten on the floor,

Whilst screaming 'please, please, kill me some more.'

'Is that all you got?' blood dripping from my face,

Whilst the boys I'd just let beat me,

Disappeared without a trace.

Physical pain didn't exist,

And that was a fact,

I never did resist,

The pills made sure of that.

Just before I passed out,

A person approached,

I could only just about see, so I say,

'Please sir, will you kill me?'

Somehow I woke up in a hospital,

A doctor standing over me,

Through muffled sounds I hear him say, 

'Broken ribs, maybe two or three.'

The life giving fluids,

That would pump the drugs out of me, 

A neatly punctured vein,

It would drip in, intravenously.

A mask dangling,

They strapped it to my face,

At this point I didn't know,

It would send me to a magical place.

A dreamworld I was in,

It took me by surprise,

What would I find here,

Would it be love?

Or my demise?

A beautiful fox suddenly appeared,

From behind an old oak tree,

Walked over and started circling,

I'm amazed that I'm still breathing.

Circling and circling,

The fox began to transform,

A pretty girl in a see through gown,

Was beginning to be born.

But little did I know,

That as she began to grow,

Back in the real life show,

My heart, was starting to slow.

A gentle hug, and a kiss on my forehead,

Then the sweet little girl said, 

'No, your not allowed to be dead.'

'If it's fate deciding' she motioned,

'Then there'll be no dying,'

'You'll live out your life trying,'

My soul, it started crying. 

As I laid there,

Frozen to the floor,

I realised fate had just decided,

From this point on,

I'd let my fear, haunt me no more.

I tried to kill myself,

My family will never know,

So for now it's time to get back to,

The real life show.

A spiritual experience?

Or all in my head?

At this point all I know,

Is that for around ten seconds,

I was already dead.