Father

It was 2006 when I last saw my father.

I wasn’t sure if he was happy to see me

I remember his head looking down as we waited for him in the

middle of central park.

I felt his guilty conscience because he never made eye contact

imagine as a small little dominican boy eyes so watery and brown

the only thing he wanted what to see his fathers retina.

Look into his soul and realize why he left

why did he leave

why did you leave.

I no longer ask anymore.

Its no longer important

years go by and now I more man than the shadow slumped over the park bench.

That thing was a coward

a I’m too good for a phone call

you ever meet those people that you hated so much for no reason

and the time you see them they blame the whole situation on you?

You always hear the

“you dont call me anymore”

“do you still love me”

I wonder if he asked himself that

I think about all those times I was at bring your dad to school days

and realized all those fathers

saw me

and looked away,

like my father did in 06

I soon

know that I’m just a boy who nobody wants to see.

I grew up in a world where daddys were equivalent to santa

or the easter bunny

but never in my life did I receive a gift or an egg.

it was always silent

my phone was on silent

no even a vibration can let me know that he was still there.

Everybody tells me I look just like my father

the same skin color

the hair.

I wonder if they think I’m a coward.

I remember little things about him being there,

as the years go by I’m forgetting how he looks like

I stare at myself in the mirror and I try to see him.

But how does one look for somebody else in themselves

when they don’t even know who they are.

It was around 2009 when I first called him

it was one of his family members that gave me his number

the only thing in my mind was the crumbled paper

and deciding whether or not the last digit was 5

or a 2.

I rang twice

and he picked up

for a split second my hand twirled around the END key and I just wanted to jam it.

I stopped talking to him…

he caused me stress

at a young age my heart bumped too much and I was feeling woozy.

the phone to me was a sin

and I already apologized for my past.

It wasn’t the last time I saw him

I saw him in 2011

but thats the thing he wasn’t my father.