Father

Father. Père. Padre. (SIgn for Father)  a word that is foreign on my tongue as I speak it

Father something you never were

I see girls going to daddy-daughter dances

Talking about the promise ring their fathers gave them

Laughing at the picture they took together

And I think

What is wrong with ME?

There are things a father is supposed to teach me

How to scurry away from false love

How to keep my mind and body clean from disgusting boys and pigs people call MEN

How a man is supposed to treat a woman

What to look for in a man.

What you taught me is that MEN are cowards

That abandon their children because “they aren’t ready”.

That MEN abuse, degrade, berate

And we are slaves to them.

That we are only toys MEN like to play with, moving on when they get bored.

That MEN are unaffectionate bastards 

That MEN are not fit to be proper fathers

But then you see the MEN who ARE there for their children

Those men who put in the effort and take the time…even to play lame video games

spit sarcastic, witty remarks at each other

read a bedtime story

tuck you in at night with a kiss on the forehead

tell you he loves

that awkward bra shopping moment

meeting the first boyfriend

the “sex” talk as uncomfortable as you both may be

when he realizes his baby girl is growing up

I don’t see those girls sporting black and blue splotches

Resembling fist and shoe prints

I don’t see those girls wondering where their daddy’s are

I don’t see those girls wondering if they are the problem

I don’t see those girls being insecure and scared to show people who they really are

Those girls didn’t have fear pummeled into them every single day

Those girls didn’t have to watch their brother be beat down in front of their eyes over a TV dinner

Those girls didn’t get striked with a spiked belt that she STILL has scars from

I ENVY THEM!

Why can’t that be me?

Smiling and laughing as you throw me in the air as a toddler

Or picking me up from school with my favorite food and it be…our little secret

Why can’t that be me?

Being escorted down the stairs in a gorgeous gown for my 16^th birthday

Why can’t that be me?

Now 23 walking down the aisle, with my daddy to give me away to a MAN that loves me

Why can’t that be me?

26 telling you you’re going to be a granddad.

30 having our day of the week just to eat sushi and catch up

WHY CAN’T THAT BE ME?

Because YOU weren’t and never will be a father. Père. Padre. (Sign for Father)