Father

F-A-T-H-E-R

I wish I could define this term

I wish I knew what it was like to have one

I wish I could save up my money and buy one

I don't even know what I would do with one

I don't know my father; it doesn't know me

It seems unreal to me because I cannot see it

I cannot touch or hear it

Kind of like my spiritual father 

But I've felt my spiritual father before

I've spoken to Him and He's answered me with His blessings

He knows my heart and recognizes my existence

Unlike my father on Earth, that is like oxygen

Invisible but the reason I'm breathing

A figment of my imagination

A black hole in my memories that should be in my photo albums

I tried to find my old man in those that were not mine to be

Every attempt was another failure

I tried to find my old man in the failed relationships my mother had

I've abandoned my patrilineal pursuit

I've accepted my father's absence

He is more than plenty to fill the void