the "father"

I remember being rammed into the wall with a gun Barrow under my chin. 

I remember feeling everything about me die within.

I remember being 12 year olds being forced to keep silence or I'd become another statistic to gun violence. 

How is a child supposed to feel when their fathers running on booze and pills?

How is a child supposed to feel when their father says he'll aim to kill?

When their father says he wishes they'd just die. 

How is a child supposed to hide the tears in their eyes?

Daddy wasn't no father and to admit he didn't bother. 

Daddy wasn't no saint, but a picture perfect image he continued to try to paint.

He left me a troubled soul with plenty of stories untold, but how am I supposed to tell a story of a father who got lost in drugs? Of a father who one day ran out of love? Of a father who'd get drunk and beat on his kids as if he didn't already cause them pain within? 

It's a story that many don't like to hear, but it's hard to keep it silent when you can't get rid of every tear. 

I wish I could say you was the father of the year, but instead you was father that caused fear. I apologize if I keep your past lingering over your head, but one of those nights you could've left me dead, and that's what haunts me. To know my DNA wanted to kill me. 

A child shouldn't have to shake everytime they hear a stranger being loud despite If they're in the middle of a crowd. A Child shouldn't have to try to block out the noise when a man raises his voice, because it sends them back into a time where a man wasn't kind. I'm constantly being reminded with many flashbacks of an unburied past. I was a child living in a home who often wished I was gone.

I tried to sleep the pain away, but I remember going to school with tears in my eyes the next day. I survived through the nights he didnt remember. I survived through the nights that made my days feel numbered. I'm a survivor and I'll keep on surviving. Never again will you hurt me. I'm gonna keep on thriving. They say things will get worse until they can get better and lately I have been blessed to live in a home where I'm not left picking myself up out of a terrible mess. I guess I spent enough of my years shedding tears and it's time for me to finally shine. You won't hear from me again you lost your title as a father way back then. As I tell you sincerely never again will you hurt me.