Fear of Being Alone
For EPW
It isn’t that he is perfect
Not even close
He has fucked me over
More times that it
Is humanly possible to count
Yet why is it him that I fall
Back to night after
Night
Hopeless romantic cycle
Only constants are
My disappointment and
His unrelenting self
Mutilation, creating my internal
Disquiet not knowing whether
He will be alive
When I meet sunrise
Head rises up from pillow
After sleepless night
After night placing him
Ahead of myself I wonder
How much more I can take
But he needs me he says so
I stay convincing myself
I need him
It may not be him that I need
Monster’s arms wrapping my
Waist in the night
Could not have been
Doctor’s remedy to the
Fears that I will end up
Old
Bitter
Unhappy
Even more than that
Alone
Him or pills?
Neither seems to
Work all that well
Yet to be presented
With any viable alternative
Never having been as
Vulnerable as in the
Back seat of a beat up
Sedan, the roughness of
The exterior matching the
Interior of those
Inside windows
Clouding with the hotness
Of breath
Hiding what’s on the inside
When I leave they cloud
The same clouds
From
Tears invisible to onlookers
Sitting in front of his house
Longing for a closing embrace
An expression
Of affection greater than
That of the monster’s
Carnal desires
When I’m far he wishes
The same, only for those desires
To relent upon the sight of me
Bulging eyes disconnect him
From whomever is inside
We may love each other
My love has no end
We probably are toxic
For one another
As for now we just soothe
Our mutual fear of being
Alone.
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UnderneathTheTortoiseShell
A professional in the fashion industry living in Chicago, Illonois.
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