fear of happiness

i cling onto you now,

because it's been so long.

so long since i've felt anything.

my anxiety takes over,

causing my heart to race, 

my blood to run,

my breathing to quicken,

and my world to spin.

my panic attacks are back,

just because i think about you.

& i can't even begin to think 

of what it'd be like to not know you.

in this short time,

you've changed my life for the good.

and now that you know of my

cuts,

anxiety, 

depression

& my dependence i have on people.

you don't seem to want this,

you seem to still be in love,

with the lying bitch that ripped out you heart,

and pissed on it.

the one who caused your depression

and your fucking burns.

i want to make you happier

than she ever did.

i want to make you happier 

than you are when you're drunk

or high.

i want to be the one you can't live without,

because that's how you are,

unfortunately,

to me.