Fear of living

Old memories run through my veins like oxygen right blood,

taking their course through my body,

as if it were a virus my body holds no defense against,

completely uncontrolable and completely unpredictable.

They carry a negative cognitive ablility towards my mindset and wellbeing,

They are sandbags tied to my feet,

enticing me to the deep dark nothingness at the bottom of a river,

promising me quiet tranquility.

They remind me of those that I have lost and display things I have gained,

Most of which I wish I have never crossed paths with.

I stand here today looking out into the horizon, yearning to start again.

i am told your past should be the fuel that ignites a fire within you, 

They fail to mention that fire can spark with fiery and burn you.

I can not promise to change my life,

but I can say that I will walk through

a wildfire risking getting hurt and burned. 

Life is full of pain,

past, present, future, there will always be pain 

but we must learn to bear with the weight of pain,

turn it into heavy steal armor,

learn to walk with it, run with it, and soar 

through all of life’s adventures and endeavors, 

we encounter in our existence 

- Alexa’s midnight perceptions of fearing life