Fear of My Desire

What do you see yourself in five years?

That’s the question I fear,

I begin to think and think

About so many things

About college, about life

What will I be,

I don’t know,

Or maybe I do,

But I’m afraid to say,

What I want to pursue.

Dear mom and dad,

I know you always ask me, “What are your plans after high school?”, I would always say I don’t know and that I would figure it out during college. Well, I do know but I’m afraid to say it. I’m afraid that you will make fun of it, afraid that you will not take me serious. My dream job is acting and film. I don’t know if you noticed it from me growing up but I would always love acting. I remember playing with my siblings a game called “Mom”. Well it’s not actually a game it’s just us portraying different characters. I also loved being around cameras and being silly. I would watch the behind the scenes of each movie I saw, sometimes even before I watched the actual movie. I loved how films were made. I’ve always loved acting. I wish you guys were supportive of me with my desires. I know you want the best of me and I get it. You want me to have a stable job and career, where I live happy. But I just wish you would get me. I know I’m odd because our family is not known for being in the acting industry, but I just came out different I guess. I really wish I had the guts to tell you two what I want to be but I just can’t. As I write this letter, you mom, cooking us food, and you dad, sitting on the couch in the living room watching television, I love you with all my heart. I hope one day I get to tell you how I feel and support me for it. I just wish to lose this fear of my desire.

Love your daughter,

Diana