Fear Is My Sweater, Paranoia My Blanket ~~~~ PART 1 ~~~~ Afraid of You

Was it me?

Could it be?

A violent storm inside of me?

It wouldn't be.

Yet it feels like so,

no matter how many times I say "no."

I wish it wasn't so,

even my heart says "no."

Yet the closer you get,

the deeper our debt;

Yeah the closer we get,

the storm gets stronger, no need for a bet.

Every touch

drives me nuts

I wish to hold you

close to me,

feel your warmth

bury inside,

melt my soul.

Yet I push and pull,

a child in a tantrum,

desperation to be free.

Yet once we defuse,

you with your wing,

me with my own,

I cannot fly,

just stumble

and tumble

and fall,

my face in a pool

of my own defeat.

Yet every kiss

has my mind in a fuzz.

Sparking fireworks

within my heart,

sending chills

racing down my spine.

I'm mesmorized by you.

Yet I push and pull,

kick and scream,

dig my claws

into your heart,

a child set for damage,

a child in desperation

for freedom.

Yet when you are gone

and I am free,

my wng no longer functions

like it once did.

I flop on the ground,

a fish out of water,

a winged creature

with a damaged left wing,

struggling to live.

If truth be told,

I'd say

'I'm afraid of thee.'

I fear you.

What if

the feeling of warmth and joy,

fades away,

like colrs in a painting,

to hues of grays and blue?

What if

you realise

that loving me

was a big mistake?

So, I'll scratch

and claw

and hiss

and nip your lips

till you give up

and let go.