The Fear of Not Loving Myself

In these moments in life I wonder

What could’ve been?

If it weren’t for how annoying I was

Or the fact that I wasn’t pretty than most girls

I was always the last choice

And if you asked me that day how I was

I would simply just say

“Angry, Upset, and Heartbroken”

Then I would see the tears falling down my cheeks

Finally answering the inavoidable question

“Why wasn’t I good enough?”

I wouldn’t know

Because right now in this moment

I can say that I am just truly thankful for everything

Thank you for leading me on

Thank you for going after one of my friends

A friendship, I thought was true

Thank you for just always being together

Especially when I had to be in the same room

Hated the thought of going to chemistry

Having to hear you

Bragging about all her perfections

Knowing I was there after I confessed my feelings for you

I felt pathetic and used

It took awhile for that feeling to stop

That feeling where you just can’t help and cry

Shutting myseld down

Trying to vanish away from embarrassment

If you asked me again

“Why wasn’t I good enough?”

I finally know what to say

I have no grudges

Or hatred them

Because I am a person who grows up

Into positivity and kindness

Sure I liked him..a lot

But he was happy and I am too

Especially for him

Plus in the end I know that I will fall in love again

I’m 19 years old

A girl who keeps hoping for that someone

to finally come along