Fear of...life

They ask "Are you afraid of dying" I am not afraid of dying. I am afraid of the pain of dying. I am afraid of the moment blood flows from my wrists but the end does not come. And being reminded of the agony I endure through the purple scars across my wrist. I am not afraid of dying But I am afraid of living. The pain that courses through my body brings me to my knees The sleepless nights I cannot catch my breath and I clutch desperately at my bedsheets The invisible tears and silent wails that escape me as I bite my fist as to not make a noise. I am not afraid of dying I am afraid of living.