Fear.Pain.Love

My biggest fear is fear I fear the pain that’s deeper than the ocean taking control of all physical ability I fear my mind racing and my heart still and stiff as an arrow I fear the feeling like knives pushing through my body Only to slightly pierce my soul to a point of destruction I fear the physical knockout When my mind and my heart are in the ring fighting for the chance to speak on behalf of confusion I fear the pain of love I fear to give love I fear to be loved Have you ever heard the words “I love you” knowing it had no meaning? Have you ever felt the pain behind the last kiss? Have you ever longed for a taste of what used to be? Have you ever smelled the aroma of reality? Have you ever watched someone in the arms of someone else knowing the cries of their heart to you? I fear the words “I used to” I fear true meaning of “I love you” I fear the reality of being what they say is “in love” Yet I yearn for the passion and strength to one day be able to say that I am I watch life through a clear wall Like the last phone call in a prison to your loved ones Like the visitation hours and my hand against the window On that window are little notes In nothing but permanent ink To ensure that I won’t lose what could save me from insanity I write in permanent ink to keep stability Permanent ink on a clear surface Leaving the fear in the air that the pain I fear is because I hid for so long behind it The surface of a clear wall made of glass that will shatter at the point of insanity… “I don’t regret loving you in permanent ink just that it was left on the glass walls that shattered when you left”