The Fears Within

Dear My Fears,

I don’t know why I still let you grab ahold of me.

You wrap yourself so tight around me that I’m on the brink of suffocating,

But you won’t let me.

No.

You take and dangle yourself  in front of me, haunting me.

Over time I’ve began to take ahold of you back,

I push you to the back of my mind, not allowing you to consume me.

And every time I begin to feel as though I have finally done it, finally, overcome you,

I get this feeling creeping back over me.

Every time that I feel insecure about the future, my relationships, my life,

And I feel you come back over me in those moments that I am weak.

I am weak.  

But I am not weak,

I remind myself every day.

I remind myself of the things I have done and the lengths I have come.

I remind myself that I have more I want to do and more I want to become.

And I’m sorry,

I am sorry,

Sorry I can’t let you hold me back any longer.

No,

No I am not sorry.

Sorry would imply that I am saddened for you, that I feel regret towards you.

But I do not,

I do not feel sorry for letting you go.

You make me fear to leave those I love behind,

You make me fear to leave the only home I’ve known,

You make me fear to be someone I have not yet met,

You make me fear to be me.

And what is it I ask of you?

Nothing.

I have learnt that it is only I who can push you away.

I have learnt that it is only I who can overcome you.

And that I will do,

And that I have done.

    Sincerely,

The Fearless (Emily Fabiano)