To Feel

I don’t feel anger.

Not that simmering rage that slowly grows inside of you,

More and more being poured in every day until you just

Explode.

I get annoyed

But I'm over it in the time it takes me to say the word

Patience.

I feel sorrow

But ask me to conjure up tears tomorrow

And I’m incapable of the act.

I hate rejection

But not the ones I'm rejected by even though

It’s slowly killing me on the inside

 I somehow suppress the pain

Easily as water flows down a drain.

It isn’t normal

I know I'm no sociopath

But if I feel nothing so naturally then how can I have

A heart?

People spend their whole lives worried about other people

What they think and say and do

People spend their whole lives wallowing in despair

Because of one small thing that got in their hair

So how can I be here?

Eyes clear, no real problems to deal with

Not exactly happy, but at least content.

Sure, sometimes I feel worthless

Like I care more than I should, but would

Someone who cares so much be able to bounce back

Like a tennis ball on the court

When they feel betrayed?

Underappreciated?

Stupid?

I fail to see how my resilience can be human.

Most people spend their whole lives

trying to get over pain.

I just might spend my whole life

trying to feel it.

This poem is about: 
Me

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741