Feel

I wonder if I'm ever good enough

Is it the truth or is it the fluff?

Do I not the expectations 

Of people with no limitations

The comments you made of me

Will not go away because I'm a human being

I have emotions, and every time you say

No ones gonna bare you at the end of the day

Makes me feel like a loser

Am I not a good human?

I feel like I may lose her

Do I not act like a man?

Since when do I not have to show fear?

I'm sorry I just feel like you're never here

You ask me why I don't talk

It's because you'll criticize and mock

I know life is hard and you have to work hard

But where is the comfort and closure I need in my heart?

Are you applying for any scholarships yet?

I answer, I haven't had the time yet

Well make time, you chose to have work, nothing just comes in life

Saying it like its a bad thing to do social justice work that looks great on applications, I might be overreacting but that cut me like a knife

When school starts ill say I'm not ready because I never had a summer vacation

Summer plagued with summer reading work, essays, and French took away my expectation

An expectation of a worry free summer full of fun and joy

Funs over I'm no longer a boy

You work out to much and eat too healthy 

Says the person who told me I needed to work out and eat healthier

Look son you getting a little round

When I just gained 2 pounds

If home is where the heart is 

Then I guess I'm just heartless

At home arguments spawn and people are in bad moods

At home I feel awkward, I feel wrong, I feel unwanted

There is no appreciation for what I do or who I am

Only criticisms of my personality and attitude 

Am I not the perfect son, the perfect brother, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect student

But last time I checked neither were you

I'm sorry I can't get a full ride, top of the class, and president of everything 

But at least I have a 4.5, part of change, and do activism work, isn't that something?

I'm sorry I'm not without mistakes

Last time I checked it takes several takes

I'm already stressed and worried about school and how I'm gonna pay

Don't remind me and make me feel bad about it, it ruins my day

Is it just me complaining and they're right

Or do I have a right to feel this way and they're wrong?

I know I'm something, I know I'm bright

Is it too much to ask to hear my family say it from time to time

Where is the love? Where is the comfort? Or is it me whining 

I need the support from them

I need the love from them

Where is the arm around the shoulder and the voice telling me its going to be alright son, we can do this, you can do this!

I hear this from my peers and allies

But it seems my guardians words are lost in a mist

Instead I get lectures and "you should be doing this and that"

It's to much, I feel like bashing my head with a bat

I know it's what I got to do to succeed on life

But where is my foundation, my support my love, my family, the comforting hugs?

Am I weak for feeling this way?

Am I wrong for feeling this way?

Am I exaggerating my feelings?

At the end of the day

At the beginning of the day

I stare in the mirror for a while

As I put on a fake smile